Used

Confession: Sometimes I feel used. My kids, ages 5, 3 and 1 like to use me to be their maid, servant, etc. As I handed my 5 year old daughter a snack she had requested yesterday, she said, "Mom, that's not what I ordered." Hmmm, I wonder why I feel so used sometimes?

Truth: That's the point, isn't it? To be used? Jesus became the servant of all when he humbled himself to arrive as a baby on earth, only to later have our every sin cast on him as he was crucified. I want to strive to be like him, right? Not that I want my children to take me for granted, but I can lead them to be servants as well, by providing an example, and requiring the same from them. And the Bible confirms it for me in Romans 12:1 where it says, "Therefore, I urge you, dear brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship."

School Days

Confession: I have been overwhelmed with anxiety due to my daughter starting kindergarten. Fear is overtaking me that she will be hurt, that she will decide Jesus isn't so great, that she might hear things her 5 year old ears are not ready to hear, that someone might say something that would break her spirit and self-worth, that her teacher will not see what an amazing, caring, loving, funny, endearing child she is, that she will become bored with school and swear off learning forever.

Truth: My God is big enough to handle it. He is in control. Thank God we know the Truth and are teaching it to her. I should be spending my time praying to him to intercede on her behalf. "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." Psalm 139:23 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 And my favorite, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27 & Luke 12:25

Life is good

Confession: After skimming through my last few blog entries I've realized they were all a little whiny and complaining. Life is good, but yet I complain. My husband asks me to proofread his resume, I complain. My daughter asks me for a cup of juice, I complain. My son asks me to turn on the moonwalk downstairs for him for the 100th time today, I complain. The baby cries after I put her to bed for the night, I complain. What is up?

Truth: I should be so grateful to have a husband that is present and loves me and wants to work. I should be thankful that my daughter is a thriving, healthy 5 year old who wants to eat and drink healthy things. I should be appreciative that we can afford such luxuries as a basement and a moonwalk for the kids to play in. And my God, forgive me, for not being thankful for the baby that you gave to me that depends on me for food, comfort, sleep and love.

Sick Day

Confession: When my husband is sick (which he is right now), it drives me up the wall that he is practically on his death bed from the flu. I mean, really, as the mom, do we ever get to just lay in bed all day when we're sick? I am so jealous of his ability to shirk all household responsibility and just hole up in the bedroom for going on 36 hours now!

Truth: I know that my jealousy is rooted in selfishness. I selfishly want it all. I want to be able to lay in bed sick for a day, but more than that, I want to be able to say with pride that I didn't, and that I don't ever get to. If I were truly loving my husband, I would be concerned for him and wishing the best for him. In fact, maybe if I started treating him with more care when he's sick, he might actually want to come out of the bedroom!

Call me overprotective

Confession: My daughter, who will be 5 years old next month had her first sleepover last night and I cried when I drove away. Anytime I leave one of my children somewhere, I have this overwhelming "mother hen" feeling like I just want to gather up all of my chicks and take them home. And I know that this is only the beginning of letting go - someday, God-willing, I will actually drive this child to college, leave her in a dorm (or a den of wolves, as it seems), and drive away (or even fly away) from her for weeks on end. How in the world will I ever do that? It is an absolute overwhelming feeling of dread for me.

Truth: I want my children to be all that God intends for them to be, and they cannot be that in the security and protection of my home forever. At some point they have to become independent, and my job is to make that transition the best that it can be for them and to prepare them to make wise decisions for themselves. In order to make wise decisions on their own someday, I must start by allowing them the room today to make their own decisions, and make mistakes, while they still have the safety of us to fall back on. God, I pray that my overprotectiveness does not ever impede on your plan for my children, I pray that you give me the strength to trust in you with their future, because you are a much greater planmaker than I ever could be.

This Life is Hard

Confession: I have slipped from reading the Bible everyday like I was in the habit of doing previously. I started back up this week and can't believe all that I have missed since I haven't taken the time to read His Word daily. Why is it so hard? Why does reading the Bible seem like such a chore. It gets put on a to-do list, but always at the bottom - the task I never get to. But yet, if I just get the Bible opened, and read the first line, I am so glad I did. Okay, 99% of the time so glad I did - when the reading is cumbersome, sometimes it's a line by line prayer for God to keep me focused so I can get something out of it. But that's not the norm, the norm is it is so amazing to read living, God-breathed Scripture. Why is it so hard?

Truth: The truth is, this life is hard. Choosing Jesus is hard. Why do I think it should be easy? That's what makes the prospect of entering heaven so amazing. I can look forward to heaven, where there are no distractions to worshiping the one true God. What an amazing eternal life that will be.

Cabin Fever

Confession: Why is it so hard to take 3 kids under 5 anywhere? The winter is so hard for this, there is always at least one of us sick at all times through the winter, which makes it hard to hang out too much with friends, or else they won't be our friends very long if we keep infecting them. So we stay home so long, that we get to the point where we are climbing the walls trying to get out. So then we decide, it's time to go somewhere. But where? Let's go to the mall. Maybe we can catch something else there. Maybe the flu this time, yippeee! So we go, and we try to shop, which is next to impossible. Between my 4 year old daughter's endless questions, everything from why do they make clothes for little girls that aren't modest (good question), to why are those $220 boots too expensive, to my 2 year old son, who likes to run and hide between clothes racks, and then there's my 7 month old daughter, if she's captured by a 5-point stroller harness instead of freely crawling her way around our house, she's not happy. About 30 minutes into the trip, my husband and I are spent, and one of us usually says, "let's go, quick!" Then there's the mad dash to put coats and hoods back on, and trudge back out through the snow to get strapped into car seats in the car. There's usually at least one crying on the way home. . . . maybe you get the picture by now.

Truth: We've decided that the only reason to go out at this point is to help us appreciate being home. Isn't it awesome that our home is a place we long to be? It reminds me of those without homes, children without parents, and widows in nursing homes. I pray that our home has been, is, and always will be a place of comfort, safety, love and acceptance for my husband, myself and our kids.

Crying

Confession: I am so annoyed by my own children's crying. We had the worst night. . . if one child wasn't crying, one of the other's was. What is it about your own child's cry that just grates at you and makes you feel like a failure? I'm the mom. I'm supposed to be able to fix it. Why am I a lot of times the one that causes the crying?

Truth: I know that when they're crying, sometimes it's because I AM fixing it. I want them to learn character here, in the protection of my home, where I can help soften the blow if I need to. I can stop the crying immediately. By giving them what they want. But the reality is, if I do that, I am not doing the job that He has put me here to do. God, continue to give me the strength to do what's right for my children, even when it makes them cry.

Chaos

Confession: Trying to leave our house always end up in chaos. Why is it that no matter how early I start getting everyone ready to go, it always comes down to the last 5 minutes? I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, I've tried it 100 different ways, but it's always a huge ordeal to leave the house.

Truth: The bottom line is, for now, this is my reality - 3 kids under 5 equals chaos when trying to go somewhere, especially in the winter when everyone must have winter coats on. I know that I know that I know, that someday I will actually look back on this and miss it. Children are a blessing from God, every minute of every day. Even when they are screaming so loudly that you think they may have pierced your eardrum. . .

My kids dress themselves

Confession: Sometimes I have no idea if I'm doing this parenting thing right or not. Not enough milk, too much milk, hats and gloves, no hats and gloves, pricey new electronic toys, no electronic toys, organic baby wash, inexpensive baby wash, time-outs, taking away privileges, make them look presentable, let them pick out their own clothes. The list of options goes on and on, it is so exhausting being the mom.

Truth: I know two things, first, I'm trying to follow God's rules for parenting as best as I can, and second, I am sure that I have and will make mistakes. Thanks God He's in control and not me.